Article Three - Love Your Marriage Again

Keep Your Marriage From Being Destroyed and Avoid These Marital Mistakes

By Alex Ottis

Is a lasting marriage that is exciting, passionate, kind, warm, and caring a fairy tale or an obtainable dream? Does a marriage like that really have what it takes to grow and sustain? Of course, most people believe that is what they are marrying into when the say their "I do's." But with the country's high divorce rate, can it really happen? Despite the fact that some marriages end because of physical, emotional, or substance abuse, the rest are destroyed over "irreconcilable differences."

So if you feel you and your partner are growing apart, you could avoid the whole ugly mess of divorce by taking heed of the following advice.

1) Make each other a top priority.

With our busy lives filled with mind-numbing jobs, elderly parents and children who need our constant care, and the daily running of an entire household, it is entirely too easy to ignore the needs of your partner. If you do not want to lose your partner because you allowed other factors to take up all of your time, you need to immediately make your husband or wife feel loved, treasured, and appreciated through engaging in special time, and that does not mean physical intimacy necessarily. Special time also means getting out of the house for a walk or a date or anywhere you both can communicate without life's pressures butting in. You both must remind each other every once in a while that you are not just parents and breadwinners, you are two people who romantically love one another.

2) You have to maintain your marriage.

You are completely different in your thirties and forties than you were during the time you first became husband and wife in your twenties, so the question is during this time have you grown closer together or further apart? If you want your marriage to be a success, you must take time once a year to evaluate the state of your partnership and set new goals. One excellent question to ask one another is if there is anything either of you can do to enhance your connection; that question can help you jump start a meaningful discussion.

3) Only engage in positive marital behaviors.

Now this is not to say if you are experiencing abuse of any kind or if your partner is addicted to abusive substances that you should stay in the marriage. But in any other case where your you or your partner engage in behaviors that take too much time away from your marriage then that must stop. What does that mean? Some examples of this type of behavior can include watching an excessive amount of television, becoming wrapped up in a hobby or pastime, or being excessively involved in your kid's lives. So if you have allowed any of these factors to take away necessary time with your spouse, you are effectively destroying your marriage. In the case of dealing with over-scheduled children, once those children have grown and left the nest and you are left with your partner, more often than not, you will be left with a virtual stranger, not a friend, lover, and confidante.

4) Get professional help before it's too late.

Do not wait until you have hired divorce lawyers to go to marital counseling because by then too much damage has been done. During the course of counseling, you both will learn how to communicate with one another in an effective manner, not a destructive one. So if you are bored, upset, or disappointed, you will know exactly how to express that to your spouse. Receiving marital counseling in a timely fashion is the best way to maintain your marriage.

There is no need to become discouraged, you can save your marriage as long as you do not put it off any longer. If you are worried about the excessive cost of traditional counseling or that your partner is not completely on board, don't be. There are many resources online that can help you get your marriage back on track, spice up a boring marriage, or improve the way you both relate to each other on a daily basis. The best part about online help is that it is much more affordable than traditional avenues and of course, it all comes with a guarantee.